Engaged and Jobless: Am I Marrying a Gold Digger?

A young couple’s engagement quickly turned complicated when the fiancée expressed a desire to leave her job, sparking a wave of debate online. The couple, who met while working for the same company, discovered early on that their salaries were vastly different. Following their engagement, the 26-year-old fiancée decided she wanted to quit her job, leading some on social media to label her as a potential gold-digger—a notion her fiancé vehemently opposed.

A 30-year-old man shared his dilemma on the AITAH subreddit, seeking advice on what had become a troubling situation. He explained that he met his fiancée, who works in marketing, at an office event 2.5 years ago. He was immediately captivated by her, and their relationship has flourished ever since. The man, a researcher at a large tech company, admired her organizational skills, which complemented his own struggles with ADD. Their relationship dynamic seemed to work well, with her helping him stay organized, and he appreciated her patience and the positive influence she had on his life.

As their relationship grew more serious, the couple had their first financial conversation when she moved in with him. Despite knowing about his financial stability, she was surprised to learn that he earned fifteen times more than she did. They agreed to split expenses based on their incomes, a plan that worked well given her independence and self-sufficiency.

However, things took a turn after he proposed. Though she had never asked for anything extravagant before, she requested a $15,000 diamond engagement ring, which she insisted was worth the investment as she would wear it for life. Although he felt uncomfortable spending that much, he eventually agreed. But her habit of bringing up the ring’s price in conversations began to unsettle him.

The situation escalated when she informed him, just a month after the proposal, that she was quitting her job. She claimed that planning their wedding would require all her attention and that she was tired of her long work hours. When he pointed out her outstanding student loans, she dismissed the concern, stating that they were now a team and she wasn’t worried about her loans anymore. This led to a heated argument, with him expressing discomfort over her decision to quit at such a young age, especially since they weren’t planning to have children for a while. He wanted her to maintain her independence in case anything happened to him.

Social media users had mixed reactions, with some accusing the fiancée of being a gold-digger. Comments ranged from concerns about her quitting her job to predictions that she wouldn’t return to work after the wedding. Others suggested the man protect himself with a prenuptial agreement, fearing that she might take advantage of his wealth.

In a follow-up post, the man shared that he had a calm discussion with his fiancée after reflecting on the situation. She admitted to feeling overwhelmed by the wedding planning and work stress, which led her to want a break. However, she agreed to search for a new job after their wedding and even mentioned the possibility of returning to school for her master’s degree. While some concerns remained, they reached a compromise.

Ultimately, the man recognized the importance of trusting his fiancée if they were to marry, despite the doubts raised by others. He understood why some might label her as a gold-digger but believed in her intentions to build a future together. The situation left him determined to balance hope for the best with planning for the worst, ensuring that their future would be secure.